I Am Dying

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From the age of 4, I have been introduced to the one major reality in life: that death is real.

Death has been a recurring theme that has confronted me throughout my life.

From losing my dad at the age of 4, to being diagnosed with a chronic heart disease, to wanting to end my own life, to surviving a cardiac arrest and being reminded every time I return from the hospital that my heart is steadily decreasing in functionality.

I have spent a lot of years thinking about death and what it means to die, how to feel about it, what to say to people, what I am leaving behind, and what will come after.

In the end, I can’t help but smile about the wild and most interesting ride it has been. I feel grateful for everything that I have been able to experience in life. 

All the people I have met, everyone I have been able to call friend, anyone who has ever shown kindness to me, all the adventures I have been able to pursue and live through as I followed my heart as best I could.

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Yes, I am dying, and I know what the cause of my death will be.

But in truth, I don’t feel unhappy about it, or demotivated, or less willing to still plan and build on my future. 

To still try to make an impact on the world and the people around me, to give love, and to enjoy this wild ride for as long as I still can.

After all these years of coming closer to this dying dream, I can say that I have made peace with it and feel a sense of curiosity awakening rather than fear.

This is not goodbye yet.

However, I do want to thank you, whoever is reading this, for having been a part of my life and making it—together with every other person reading about this life of mine—into the wonderful experience it has been.